Sunday, September 25, 2011

My mistake that my FAMILY pays for!

Author: A Father,A Husband,A Brother and A Son Story

I was 18 young dumb and spiraling out of control. My girl friend at the time was 17.We both came from broken homes and were doing drugs.The funny thing is that I never did them before dating her. Me and her had been typical young boy friend girl friend since we were in jr high. We were fighting one night when we were by ourselves. She had cheated on me in our so called relationship. I told her to leave that night. When I did she told me how she had been giving my best friend oral and intercourse. That she had given oral for rides and other favors. I said to who? She replied real smart any one that’s willing to give me something I want. I began yelling at her telling her to leave, cursing and violently pushing her towards the door. She ran to the bathroom and locked the door. I banged on it. No response. I walked away to get my phone. I had enough and was going to call the cops. I began telling her I was going to call the cops. Then she pushed some more. She had some pictures of her and someone having intercourse on her phone and sent them to me from in there. I pushed the door open and grabbed her. I use to carry a knife on my belt. I pulled it out and said since she liked being a whore why don’t you be a whore with me. I yelled and told her she was disgusting and to get out(was not requesting but demanding). She left and called the cops. I was picked up that night. I want to start by saying that what I did was wrong. I have grown a lot. I use to blame her. I don’t any more. I had my actions that I did. I never touched her besides pushing her to leave and grabbing her in the bathroom. I never even wanted to have sex with her in that moment. I wanted to scare her. I was charged with a 3-307(a)Third degree sex offense(threat of force with a weapon). I am very remorseful of what I have done. It is my only criminal charge ever. I am a registered sex offender for the rest of my life. I have no restrictions on kids. Thank God because I have two kids now and a wife. They are my world. I have vowed my whole life to giving them the life I never had. My kids pay the price for my mistake I made out of anger. It breaks me down on a regular basis thinking of it. I own my mistake and it was horrible but I don’t think I should be on a sex offender registry for the rest of my life. I pray to God that one day we find peace. I do understand the need for law enforcement to keep track of offenders. Like I said I am a father. I guess I know in my heart that my threat was that of a idle threat. I am not a threat to any one. I know I shouldn’t be on the list. But how do you get the people to believe me. I never will. I made a mistake did my punishment(probation) and still will spend the rest of my life paying for it. I just wanted to say my story and will most likely never check on it again. I pray every day for my family’s peace, my ex girlfriends peace and my peace.

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"When an American says that he loves his country, he means not only that he loves the New England hills, the prairies glistening in the sun, the wide and rising plains, the great mountains, and the sea. He means that he loves an inner air, an inner light in which freedom lives and in which a man can draw the breath of self-respect."
~Adlia Stevenson U.S. Vice President (1893–1897) and Congressman (1879–1881)

On a Personal Note

Thanks for the opportunity to express my thoughts regarding the issue of citizens’ rights, particularly addressing certain sex offenders’ crimes that do not fit the devastating, inequitable and endless punishment given.

As you know, many young men and women lives across the nation are being destroyed by incarceration, life-time registry and restrictive laws that do more harm than good. For those individuals, there is no second chance.

Below is a personal letter to President Obama:
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“Dear President Obama,

I truly agree with your sentiments that individuals, such as ex-felons, should be able to receive a second chance at life. Since we all know that one can veer off that path of life and travel along rough, rocky terrain, sometimes running off and ending up in some ditch. We all have made our fill of mistakes and sometimes those held a costly consequence that changed life forever. So we lived through it, trying harder to make things right with family, friends and those around us, but what about those who aren’t able to make things right even if they tried…because they’re labeled as too dirty, a leper, a person who is rejected from society and home.

But what if they’re a seventeen year old and had sex with a fifteen year old, consensual at that? Or they’re a teen that had gotten so enraged after a breakup that he sent out naked pictures of his girlfriend on his cell phone or email? Or an individual urinates where someone just happens to see them?

All are wrong and a travesty but do they deserve the life of no second chance with a registry that ends all. They are labeled, no jobs, no where to live…they have been deemed a menace to society, a plague. These certain circumstances, and many other situations similar to these, I believe still deserve a second change.

Fourteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution

Section 1. All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.

After my son’s early release and two years of prison, I thought I had handled that fact graciously knowing after serving his time he would be able to get that fresh start, that second chance. He was an exemplary inmate, GED, college courses and vocational classes. Little did I know that a second chance on the outside was the farthest from the truth? He now struggles and lives in a trailer park sharing a trailer with another and surrounded by others in the same rocking boat, one to float endlessly in shark infested waters. I see him little because of probation requirements (he couldn’t live with us because we were 800 feet near a school). My family is afraid of what would happen to them if he lived with them…vigilantism. My son has no other place to stay since others condemn him of his crime that is screamed from the highest rooftop. Sex offender, sex offender!

Not all sex offenders are pedophiles or predators but some are simply young kids that make one stupid and rash decision that eventually changes everything, and they have no idea what they’ve done until their life is never their own. Exactly, where is that second chance for those sex-offenders who are lumped together with pedophiles and predators? Now, it makes me sick to think of my son’s future and many like him that are on the registry and many with no second chance…ever. I am asking you as a mother and as another concerned citizen of the United States that these laws are looked at again and taken into serious consideration in what they are doing to the Constitution of the United States, not for sex offenders in general but the future rights of every citizen, before anymore are put into effect. They unjustly strip an offender of their rights and place them in a guillotine that can be easily set off by anyone and at anytime. Where is the second chance for ex-sex offenders in the present, pending and future laws?”
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What truly saddens me is the weakness and deterioration of what the sex offense issue is doing to our once, great nation. Across Europe, others are seeing the injustice and disregard of rights, but we ignore this problem and it makes me wonder where humanity is heading….

We have become a hysterical society in which our latest witch-hunt is a sex offender--no matter his/her crime.

Below is a email sent from a foreign advocate to a father of a sex offender:
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“The tragic story of your son's death is just so sad that it's difficult to explain how. It was very hard to read your letters. It seems almost unbelievable that this can take place in a democracy! From our point of view, there is no justice in this. Not in any way: not for you, your son, the former girl friend – or even the state.

It is an abusive legal system. It seems barbaric. And we are so very sorry that this takes place. That's why it's so important for us to try to neutralize the debate with this…, hopefully making some changes. ….. to show the every day life of the sex offenders, trying to show how they keep on being punished, even after served prison time…..But we will for sure tell the story of the injustice that your son has been exposed to.”
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I appreciate everyone's commitment and backing to protect everyone's civil rights, plainly as noted in the Constitution of the United States and is presupposed, giving ALL men are “life, liberty and pursuit of happiness.”